EAT THIS

The worst food in America.

Brandon, who lives in Indonesia and shows off his prodigious photographic talent on his site javajive, posts a link to an article on The 20 Worst Foods in America, according to Men’s Health Magazine.

[The term “worst” being fraught with subjectivity, I should make it clear that here, it refers to caloric and fat content per serving, not taste. There is plenty of Bad Food out there, but if you want a manageable list, you have to have some sort of measurable Numeric Criterion. And the focus of this piece is on the offerings at popular chain restaurants and fast-food outlets.]

The list is done up by categories (worst salad, worst burger, etc.), and some of the entries are, indeed truly heinous. The Carl’s Jr. Double Six Dollar Burger, f’r instance, clocks in at 1,520 calories and 111 grams of fat. But it’s hardly surprising, since Carl’s Jr. deliberately promotes this Meat-Fest as a monument to excess. Aquarius be damned: it is the Age of Baconator.

To me, something like Ruby Tuesday’s Bella Turkey Burger (1,145 calories/71 grams fat) is much worse, because people see the word “turkey” and mentally equate it with “healthier than beef.” So they think they’re doing themselves a favor by ordering up this Calorie-Bomb. Idiots.

And some of this stuff is obviously Bad For You. When you sit down at a Bob Evans and start stuffing a pile of Caramel Banana Pecan Cream Stacked and Stuffed Hotcakes into your pie-hole, you know you will be carrying a goodly portion of it around on your ass for the next few years.

In the Appetizer department, you have Chili’s, with their Awesome Blossom: 2,710 calories and 203 grams (almost a half-pound) of fat. Sure. Take an onion, cut it in a manner that exposes Maximum Surface Area, batter it, and fry the shit out of it. It’s like an oniony Funnel Cake. (Hey, too bad they didn’t look at the Carnival Food category, huh?)

Hey, I like Big Food as much as anybody. But I’d rather eat a honking big bone-in ribeye steak than any of the crap on this list...or, for that matter, any of the recipes in Steve H. Graham’s upcoming book. At least I know what I put in it...unlike all that Chain Restaurant crap.

The worst food in America? What’s your guess? The answer didn’t surprise me.