Everyone Needs an Alien Invasion Escape Plan

As I drove my 9 yr old son to school one day this week, 

we somehow ended up discussing what he would do if aliens attacked his school.

Everyone should visit this subject with their child at one point or another, 

don't you think?

I mean, the schools have fire drills, tornado drills, and other safety drills...

so don't you think they need an Alien-Invasion drill?

I think so.

My son said he'd grab his best friend, and they'd head out of the school towards the woods and our place. He attached a compass to his backpack to aid his sense of direction.

He's going to prepare a water gun to hold anti-alien fortified water 

and toss out marbles to distract them while he runs away.

Such a smart kid. 

I'm proud!

I'm thankful the Pilgrims destroyed all the Dinosaurs

We celebrate Thanksgiving because it's the day the Pilgrims destroyed the Dinosaurs, right?

I for one am super thankful they got rid of the dinosaurs, 

because can you imagine what Earth would be like with those big, ole smelly things running around?!  

Not to mention, we wouldn't have gas without their dead bodies decomposing into fossil fuel and all.

I think the government has tried to keep it a big cover-up 

because the Pilgrims killed the dinosaurs 

with mega-awesome, super-futuristic technology that they hid in cornucopias, 

because the Pilgrims were really aliens sent to Earth rid the planet of dinos and Indians. 

Oh, and the Indians? 

The Alien Pilgrims ate them.  

And did you know that we figured out Santa was an Alien also?!

Alien Comments

I had to do it.

I finally gave in.

I added "comment moderation."

But only on posts that were older a couple of weeks.

Because, guess what?

I got hit with over 300 spam comments in one day!!

They were in another language, so I have no idea what they said.

But I can guess it was selling pills or naughty things...

or was it alien contact, trying to send me a message from a far away galaxy?!!

I haven't been posting much, but I'm still here.

I haven't been visiting many people, but I still read a little here and there.

No Alien contact at all.

Holding Santa Hostage

I have a brilliant idea for a Christmas card.

It would have a photo of my boys holding Santa at Nerf gunpoint...

and the inside of the card would spell out a "Merry Christmas"  hostage message in cut out letters...

and somehow, I'd have to include aliens. 
Or blame it on aliens. 
Or prove Santa was an alien.

Cause that's how I roll.

Cows kind of look like Aliens

I was driving down a country road today
and had to pull over when I spotted a large group of cows.

No one suspects cows of anything.

They're so big and sweet and innocent.

They could be plotting terrorism for all I know.

One of them decided to come check me out...

Look at this bizarre hump on it's back.

What's its purpose?

I think I know...

And look at these ears!

Why do cows need such large ears?

Radar detection?

flying capability?

And then I saw the tongue.

It was the tongue that sealed the deal.

Anything with a tongue like that...has to be alien!!

I'm on to you, ALIENS!

I'm keeping an eye on them.

Grab a camera and a critter and join Camera Critters!

It's an Alien kind of Christmas

My favorite Christmas ornament so far this year...and it's totally out of this world!

haha

Hyperactive Galaxies

Every now and then, I hear or read something that boggles my mind.

Looking almost 11 billion years into the past, astronomers have measured the motions of stars for the first time in a very distant galaxy and clocked speeds upwards of one million miles per hour, about twice the speed of our Sun through the Milky Way.
A hyperactive galaxy.



Has anyone seen that new show, Defying Gravity?




In the near future, eight astronauts from five countries (four women and four men) undertake a mysterious six-year international space mission covering thirteen billion kilometres. With the eyes of the world upon them - everything they do is monitored, and every emotion they feel, scrutinized - they soon discover that their real assignment is not at all what they thought.

I LOVE it!!

Any new shows you're excited about?
Are you into space like I am?!

Proof Aliens Exist

That blue looking fruit is a peeled version of the one on it's left.

What is it?
Alien fruit?
monster eyeball?

I'm baffled.

I got to shoot Aliens, so all was good with the world.

He told jokes...and took his ear off.

And I stood in line for over an hour listening to him.

Yes, we waited in a line for over an hour to ride Toy Story Mania at Disney.

A 3D shooting ride.

Remy & his cousin were very excited.

And, boy, did I kick some alien bootay.

I saved the world.

Really.
I mean, for all we know, this ride could be real life...I mean, if we don't do it, maybe real aliens will arrive and take over the world.

I did my duty.

At least, that's my story, and I'm stickin' to it.

Aliens eat Mickey Waffles and wear Pluto hats.

A Breakfast for Champions:

Mickey waffles.

I lost my Longhorn cap on Thunder Mountain...
and bought this fashionable replacement.

But Remy's hat was way cooler and trendsetting than mine.

My boys were fascinated by the balloon-inside-a-balloon.

My little Aliens.

UPDATED: The Jesus Billboard & a Theory on Chickens.

Every day, as a I drive down the highway to work, I pass a huge billboard that reads:



And at the bottom it asks you to text your answer to a *####.


The advertisement is for a church.
And I wonder...what kind of responses they get?

Some answers I thought of were:

a God.
A son.
A carpenter.
A really cool dude.

I'm tempted to text an answer that might not be kosher.
hehe


I'd love to have a giant billboard asking a big question like that,
just to see the answers.


Questions like:



What is the Meaning of Life?

or

Which came first, the Chicken or the Egg?

or

Why did the Chicken cross the Road?





I'm not obsessed with chickens, I promise.
Although, I used to have to close the chicken coop every night growing up on our ranch.



I remember my dad wringing a chicken's neck once,
and it ran around with it's head flopping for a few minutes,
which traumatized me for life.



My 12 yr old son informed me a chicken lived one whole year running around without it's head.

Huh.

Maybe if it was an ALIEN CHICKEN.

Come to think of it.
Maybe all chickens are aliens.

Oh! Maybe that's the answer I'll text to the giant billboard tomorrow.

Jesus was an alien chicken.


What would your answer be to the Jesus Billboard?
If you could put a question up, what would you choose?


I think I'm going to go take my meds now.


UPDATE: I tried not to have a wreck while reading the billboard backwards on my way home. I found the number and texted it my answer.

Then black helicopters showed up in the sky and followed me home...

Santa just might be an Alien

Santa is so mysterious.

He works in strange ways.

How do we know he isn't really an ALIEN?!

He could have landed on our planet a while back and decided to stay.

Full of goodwill and desire to give to others.

A nice, saintly alien.

Here's why I suspect it.

He gave my boys this:

and this:

So, maybe, just maybe, he might be like this:

Alien Penguins fell from the sky

Remember when I warned you of that alien invasion?

Well, we had another one.

This time Alien Penguins fell from the sky.

The weather people tried to convince us it was an arctic cold front.

But I know better.

I'm on to them.