I'm usually very laid back

These adorable little angels are my nieces.
And I wish they'd come live with me.

I'm normally very tolerant of all children.

Screaming babies on airplanes don't bother me.
Kids throwing fits at the grocery store have me feeling sympathy for their parents.

BUT, recently, on our Disney trip...
I was hot.
I was tired.
I was hungry.

And while we were waiting on a dinner reservation,
there was annoying, terrible, horrible little child whining
and crying to her parents about wanting to go on the elevator.

My tolerance evaporated.


I almost told this little girl,
a stranger...


that the elevator went straight to hell.

And if she got on it...there'd be monsters.



I don't know what got in to me.

Sometimes I lie but I have good intentions

As I mentioned in the previous post, UpTake is a hosting a contest.
Anyone can enter.
The deadline's tonight at midnight.

The prize is a spa getaway in Napa Valley at Silverado Resort for four people.

I admit it, I'd sell my children and run over girl scouts for a chance to win.

See, let me tell it like it is.
People come out of the woodwork for contests.
People with sick kids, hard knock lives and woe-is-me stories.

Do you know how hard it is to compete with Sally Sob Story and Henrietta Handicapped and Tanya Toenail Cancer?

Well, I only have one arm.
And one leg.
And I have fifteen kids (all adopted, of course)...that I home school.

In my free time, I serve soup at the homeless shelter...with my one arm, while balancing on my one leg.

I have no hair, because I donated it all to make wigs for chemo patients.
And I donated all my blood to sick people.
I even had all my teeth pulled to give to toothless people.

Why wait til I'm dead to take my organs?
I have a few I don't need...
I've chopped off a few toes for charity & donated a butt cheek to a good cause.

I recycle, volunteer, teach people to read and care for old people.
I bring food to the hungry in third world countries.

No one's more deserving than me.


So, I win.
Right?

Alien Penguins fell from the sky

Remember when I warned you of that alien invasion?

Well, we had another one.

This time Alien Penguins fell from the sky.

The weather people tried to convince us it was an arctic cold front.

But I know better.

I'm on to them.

Return to Sender

Yesterday I received a piece of mail that boggled my mind.
No, not the awesome Secret Santa package, that was GREAT!
Thanks again, Kori for organizing and Hollie for sending me my gift.

Nope, I received a letter
FROM someone in Georgia
TO someone in Connecticut...
that somehow ended up here in Texas.

Baffling.

Scary.

Incompetent?

Anyway, it gave me an idea.

It'd be so fun to have a reality show called Return to Sender,
where we stick a miniature person in a package or two or three...
and see where they end up
and what they go through.

No?
No miniature people willing?
What about an oompah loompah?

Ok, let's try this.

I'll sacrifice for the good of my new show and send my kids.
Because, frankly, although they're cute and adorable,
things haven't been the same since the corn field visit,
(and you know what that means!).

So, here they are, innocent little sweeties suckers,
where I tell them to climb into the "fun truck" to "play."

Oops, looks like Annie joined them.
Oh, well, casualty of war, I guess.

They start to get bored, while I search secretly for the keys to lock them in.

Wait, wait, Remy, where are you going?
Don't get out!
There will be pizza...and, and candy inside there in a minute!

Annie is concerned about where her boy has gone.
He'll be right back Annie, he wanted his shoes.
He'll probably need them where he's going.

See Annie shake paw/hand?!
Isn't she smart?!
I'll miss her.

This is where I tell them to wave at me for the picture.
They do it (because I have them so well trained)
but then ask, "Why?"

And this is where I laugh like a maniac as I slam the door shut,
saying, "Good-bye, suckas!"

They were cute for a while, but I've decided to send them away.

Then my husband comes out of the house to tell me he needs the U-Haul truck to get his desk from storage, and I have to let them out.

Darnit.