the First Un-United Church of Flushable Faith

In this small town, north of Dallas, people always ask me what church I go to.

They don't ask IF I go to church...they ask WHICH church.

I answer that I don't go to church.

And, I'm met with silence.

I think I need a more witty response.

Perhaps I should tell them I'm a follower of the Church of Flushable Faith.

What do I mean by this?

I found religion in the bathroom at age three. I asked Jesus into my heart while on the crapper.

You see, I grew up in an agnostic household but attended parochial private schools my whole life.

My extremely religious grandmother took me to church when I stayed with her. It was on her toilet that I "found" religion. She turned it on pretty heavily when I visited her over the summer or holidays. I think maybe she came on too strong, because...

...when I gained a few more years of maturity under my belt, I changed my mind.

This was due in part to the fact that I was informed my parents wouldn't be admitted to heaven if they didn't accept Jesus into their hearts. WHY, I cried. Why? My parents were good people. They were fair and just. They deserved to go to heaven too. It didn't make sense. So I left Jesus behind. He didn't fit into the way I saw things.

I have since learned religion comes in all shapes and sizes, people believe different things and interpret things all ways. BUT, the biggest problem I have is with faith. How do all these people have it? Are they just stupid to blindly believe, or are they smarter than I am & get something I don't?

I don't know.

I have no answers.

I want to believe. It'd be nice to have a cushion around death. Is that what drives people to Faith? The desire for an explanation, security, a surefire afterlife?

How do you believe in something you can't see, or feel, or touch? I believe in Gravity. I see proof of its results. Can you convince me of your faith?

I am tolerant of most religions and respectful of people's beliefs...but I don't completely get it.

What do you believe? How do you BELIEVE IT? What clenched the deal for you?