Further-proof-California-is-going-to-break-off-into-the-Ocean #215

Turns out, they still have the Bubonic Plague.

I'm not kidding.

I wouldn't want to be a squirrel in California right now.

Swine Whine

If I were a swine, I'd be totally ashamed right now.
I mean, passing on such a nasty virus to humans and all...

They're so cute though, it's hard to stay mad.

And apparently those viruses mutate to transfer to humans.

So, it makes me wonder.
Did a pig fall into a vat of nuclear waste?
Get bitten by a radioactive spider?
Get hit by a magnetic meteor?
Get abducted by aliens and experimented on?

I'm gonna blame it on the aliens.
It's always the aliens.

I've finally one-upped Mary Poppins

The origins of this post started two nights ago, when I woke in the middle of the night with an intense leg cramp.

It HURT.

I hadn't had one in years!!

I find when I'm good about taking vitamins and getting plenty of potassium and fruits, that I don't have leg cramps at all.

Then I remembered my grandmother a sweet lady who-shall-not-be-named, mentioned that older folks suffer leg cramps. And she discovered, through the elderly grape vine, that if you put a bar of soap under your sheets, that they go away. She tried it, and it worked. Now she sleeps with soap in her sheets.

huh.

Then, on the NPR the other day, I heard them talking about leg cramps.
And how a teaspoon of mustard every day keep the leg cramps away.

huh.

A lady called into the show and said it worked for her. She had taken to eating everything in mustard lately. Lots and lots of mustard.

Then I thought...well, shoot, maybe I should try these two things.
But, then, I don't get the leg cramps enough to really tell if it was working or not...

Who knows what else mustard could do if we added it to our diets regularly?
Maybe it could increase night vision in our troops.
I'm sending a few hundred jars to experiment.
I'm sure they won't mind.





Then I found on Wiki that mustard plasters are used in Russia where they think it stimulates the immune system and relieves pain.

Maybe mustard in my hair every night would make it silky smooth with no tangles?
I might try it.

Maybe mustard applied in our nether regions could help people who have trouble getting pregnant, conceive! Think of the thousands they could save in fertility testings and treatment if only they had a jar of mustard?!

Who knows what I could discover!!

But maybe A teaspoon of mustard would help the medicine go down?
In the most delightful way.





What do you think?
How can mustard help you?
Any fun home remedies to share?




***I am not a doctor and should not give out medical advice. Please do not try any of these ideas at home. Ignore me completely, I am a cracked lunatic with no medical training whatsoever.

Prayers please

Please send out prayers and positive thoughts for my friend Kat from Sunshine and Lemonade.

Her husband had an aneurysm last night and surgery today.
I think he's stable currently, but keep them in your prayers.

Thank you.

Pill Popping Lament

I take pills.

What kind?
ha!
Wouldn't you like to know.

I use them to handle generalized anxiety and depression.

I don't like taking medicine, as a rule,
because who wants to be dependent on chemicals that do stuff to you?
But apparently my normal-state-of-being needs some alteration.
Which sucks.

A few days ago, I accidentally took one of my pills very late in the day.

Big mistake.
I felt horrible.

I got emotional.
I got dizzy.
My heart felt like it wanted to grow wings and escape my body.

It was not fun.
I think that qualifies as an addiction.

In my emotional state, I start emailing...
my sisters, my mom, my friend Kat,
with all these Debbie Downer emails.

Emails that lament about my life.
I can be quite a drama queen.

Then later I'm embarrassed and ashamed I sent those emails.
and aware that I complain about the same things over and over.





After a while people get sick of you complaining about the same stuff over and over.
Do something about it, you know?
But that's often easier said than done.
I don't want to be a whiner, a complainer, someone who doesn't change or take charge.

It's time for change.
I have a job interview today.
Wish me luck.
It's time for certain doors to close and others to open.
Yes, I'm back to my door metaphor.

I wanted to buy this door the other day at our local Trade Days,
to put on my wall.



However, it was $275, and I just couldn't justify spending that.



Anyway, just a snippet of my addiction.



Rinse, lather, repeat.



Do I make sense?
Do I bore you?
Do I fascinate you?
Do I entertain?

More Side Effects

The Vampire giveaway was going to end today at midnight,
but I've decided to extend it to Friday,
so you can get more entries.
One comment a day, every day, for more entries.
Post about the giveaway on your blog for three extra entries.


A while back I wrote a post about the side effects of football.
I still have a hard time looking at those photos.

Well, I'm here today to show you yet more side effects.

I should have know, after reading Shannon's post about her daughter and Valarie's post about her son, that these things happen in 3's.

It took me a week to clue in to our medical issue.
Girls, I think we all three win Mother of the Year Awards.

It was our turn.

Here we are in the orthopedic waiting room, where they have a chess board.
The waiting room was packed with kids and adults,
but no one was playing, so Donny and I did.

I checkmated him fairly quickly,
and then our second game was cut short.

And we headed back to an exam room to have the doctor look at our x-rays.

The Doctor identified the small fracture on his pinky immediately, and told us Donny needed a cast.

DARNIT.

That's the splint the emergency center had given us.

And now on to the cast making...

He chose bright green.

And he has to wear it for six weeks.

But, the kicker is, get this...he can still play football!!

Is that nutty or what?!!

Donny only has one or two games left.