His First Time

Every boy should do this at some point in their life...

and the more times, the better!

As a good parent, I insist that he needs to learn how, safely.

What am I talking about?

Need a hint?

Remember ths movie:

Can't Buy Me Love.

Still not sure what I'm talking about?

OK, here it is, caught on camera...

my 14 yr old son's first time...

MOWING!!

10 strep throats, 7 sinus infections, 6 Broken Bones, 3 Sprains and 2 ingrown toenails

My 13-year-old son is going to wear me out!!

This morning I took him to have his fingers x-rayed,

thanks to football. 

Tomorrow we see a podiatrist, 

whose nurse swears that once this doctor has seen my son, 

he'll never have another ingrown toenail again. 

EVER.

This is the same child who used to get strep throat at least twice a year when he was younger.

Broke his ankle three times in one year.

Good lord have mercy.

Don't worry, I'm going to remind him of all of this when he's a grown adult 

and I need him to take care of ME!

Why do I bother?

This year, as with every year, I bought my son the school planner with his school supplies so that he could keep on task and know what his assignments are and when they are due.

It's my job, no, my RESPONSIBILITY to make sure he is given the tools he needs to be successful in life.  To teach him how to organize and keep up with his stuff.  So that when he's older, he has a better chance at keeping a job and completing projects.  And getting married.

An assignment planner is just the first step in a long line of stepping stones to reach the other side of the river, the lake of success and finding your dreams!!

I've seen it in his binder.

I know he out it there...

However, the other day, he came home with Sharpie written all over his hand.

"Donny, what's all over your hand?" I asked, thinking it just might be a girl's phone number.

"It's my homework," he replies.

"That's not where you're supposed to write your homework!  What if you wash your hands and then can't remember what your assignment is?!"  I'm horrified.

"That's why I use sharpie," he says in his matter-of-fact manner. 

Oh.  

Hunh. 

So much for that fancy planner.

From the Files of the Lost & Found

My 13 yr old has to wear a retainer at night.

So that that year and a half he spent in braces isn't negated.

However, he seems to take it out in his sleep and toss it.

And then the next morning, can't find it.

So, tonight, as I spent about 30 minutes searching for the retainer, 

I found some interesting items under his bed, in his closet, on his desk...

Missing library books.

many, many pairs of underwear.

his little brother's shoes.

random socks.

and...

his lunch, still in the bag and uneaten, from last Friday!!!

And then,

The kicker...

His retainer wasn't lost!!

It was in the place is was supposed to be, in the bathroom.

That child is going to drive me nuts.

A Texas Children's Tale

Around 9pm tonight, after watching my favorite show in the world, LOST,

my 13-year-old son informed me he had an English project due.

I won't repeat the torrent of words I blasted at him...

and, I even found out that this project was actually due YESTERDAY, 

but the student he was supposed to work with flaked out.

Putting aside aside his poor planning, he's a good student, 

but I am now making him finish the project.

Tonight.

As long as it takes.

They had to come up with a 15-page chldren's story on their own; write and illustrate it.

The story they came up with together, he and his partner, was some strange tale 

about a squirrel named Barry and smoking.

I know what you're thinking.

A children's story about smoking?!!

But at least the moral of the tale was to NOT smoke.

Anyway, now that Donny is doing this project on his own, he has ditched that story line 

and, with my help, come up with a new tale.

Meet the characters:

Archie the Armadillo

and

Larry the Longhorn.

He's actively working on the story right now,

but the snobby Longhorn who looks down on the armadillo

is going to learn an important lesson

about not judging others by their looks.

And a little feisty armadillo named Archie is going to help him out of a jam.

I let you know how the finished product turns out!!

(and let's hope we're both not up all night!!)

My Firstborn

Interview with a 12 yr old.

You just finished 6th grade. What did you learn this year?

Algebra. Stuff about the ocean. And some history of England.



If you could start a business, what business would you start?

A space exploration business. Like NASA.



What's your favorite book?

The Harry Potter series & the Percy Jackson series.



What's your favorite TV show?

The Office.



If you could have any kind of animal as a pet, what would you choose?

A lion.

What are you looking forward to about the Disney trip?

Being with my cousins & the rides.
I loved the Rockin Roller Coaster, Space Mountain & snorkeling with sharks.



If you could travel anywhere in the world, where would you go?

Australia because it looks awesome and has lots of cool animals.

If a man came out of the refrigerator, what would you do?

I'd punch him in the nuts, tie him up and ask him questions.



If an alien came out of the refrigerator, what would you do?

I'd have a heart attack.



If a puppy popped out of the toilet, what would you do?

I'd dry it off.

I think he's seen too many action movies

This is Donny, my 12 year old,
who is a straight A student in the 6th grade.
Sometimes the hormone brothers pop in,
but otherwise he's a laid back kid.






Last September, I posted a letter of warning about him.
Because of his new bebe gun.

He's been very responsible with it all year.
Until last week.

He came home on the bus, as usual.
but couldn't find his keys.

My husband, who's been working from home,
had left to go pick up our younger son from school.
And my elderly father was home, but couldn't hear the door.


Donny was locked out.

So, he had the brilliant idea to go to the backyard,
where he'd left his bebe gun.
(he's not supposed to leave it outside)
and then...

he used to the gun...

TO SHOOT AT OUR BACKDOOR LOCK!

How many times have we seen shows or movies where the hero shoots the lock?!




Good Lord have Mercy, a seriously lack of judgment there.

We had a loooooooooong talk about it.


BTW, he says he shot at an angle, so the bebe wouldn't ricochet back and hit him.
And he hit the door, so he has good aim...
we have a dent to prove it.


Should I be proud of his ingenuity

or

horrified?!!

(have you seen this amazing corn art?)

A Middle-Schooler's homework

This was my 12 yr old son's homework last night.






A speech comparing Japanese & American School Systems
(written from a Japanese Student's perspective)

Dear Ladies & Gentlemen
I wish to bring to your eyes the state of your school system compared to ours. Your school systems reward good passing grades with more supplies and school funds, and the schools that don’t get as many passing grades get fewer funds. As to ours, where all schools get the exact same supplies and funds. Also, your schools do not challenge their students enough, like how they don’t have enough science and math classes.
. Opposed to our schools which have such high expectations they are require to take entrance exams, and they are so tough that they go to a summer school called a Juku to prepare for the exams.
Our teachers get high respect and pay, which generally increases how well they teach. Where yours are respected but not paid to well. So, I hope you take this information into consideration.
By Donny Thomas


Isn't that interesting?
Do we not work our kids hard enough?
I wonder if the Japanese have PE...or focus any on the arts?






Coming tomorrow...
how a mom in the suburbs and her two boys break the law...
all for the sake of art.

Smokin' with the Smarties

My 12-year-old is smart.
A smarty pants.

He's made honor roll, straight A's, this whole year so far.
In fact, I don't feel like he's really being challenged.
Two of his teachers have recommended him for GT testing.

So, I've been filling out forms for testing.
They ask ridiculous questions.

Does he recall and quickly master information?
Does he pursue topics or tasks that interest him?
Does he strive for perfection or is self-critical?
Does he offer unusual, unique, clever responses or products?
Is he sensitive and aware of others' feelings?
Does he display a keen or unique sense of humor?

and so on...

It makes my brain hurt.

I wanted to share with the GT program how entrapenurial is he.
How, he has been taking Smarties to school to sell to kids, selling them for fifty cents a pack.





Did you know that kids are into smoking smartees right now?
Well, they don't really SMOKE them.
They crush them up, then puff them like smoke.
It's weird.

Wikipedia had this to say:

Pop Culture

In 2009 youth began to "smoke smarties". "Smoking smarties" consists of grinding up smarties while still in the wrapper, opening both ends of the pack and then inhaling the dust, much like smoking a cigar. The dust is then tasted in the mouth and released. Or the candy dust can be blown out of the nostrils. Some doctors are concerned that "smoking smarties" could have negative health effects that include infection and allowing maggots to grow in the nasal passages by eating the sugar.

But, apparently they're in high demand.
So, my son recognized this, bought them at the grocery store for a cheap price and is now making money.

I guess you could say he's a dealer.
Yikes.
I don't think the GT program needs to hear about this...


My other ideas for this post title were:

Smartie Pants
My Smartie Pants can smoke your Smartie Pants
Smartie Smokin.
Smarties.

Not my grocery list

I'm going to share with you my 12 yr old, Donny's, grocery list.

He wants:

1. frozen pizzas
2. fedachiny
3. swedish meet balls
4. chips for lunch
5. sweet snack surprises
6. Izzys
7. mug rootbeers


Does that cover all the food groups?
I'm thinking we need to work on nutrition...and spelling.

What do your kids like best from the grocery store?

Masks are meant to hide things, right?

My 12 yr old, Donny, had another project due this week at school.

This one had something to do with Nigerian culture.



So, after working all day, then hurrying to the middle school for a parents' meeting about 7th grade class choices for next year, Donny & I stopped by the craft store, Michaels, to pick up supplies.



We bought beads, model magic, feathers and ribbon.

And, when he got home from school the next day,
he made this...

It's a mask similar to one the Nigerian tribe spiritual leader would have.

He would wear it in ceremonies.

And, get this, his wife would have made it for him.



This gives me an idea.

Let's all make masks for the male in our life.

And make them wear it to church.
Or in bed.

I'd love to visit Africa.

Blue meat & noodles

I will announce the giveaway winner soon, I promise,
but a lot more people entered than I expected,
and it's taking time to tally up how many entries everyone earned
with extra posts and comments and tweets.
What did I get myself into?!



Did you see my interview with Pioneer Woman?



Now on to today's post.


I love my little sister, The Bug.
She's moved to California, and I miss her terribly.

She was in town for Christmas, and it was so wonderful to see her.
She gave my boys Peruvian water whistles.

Well, she also gave my older son, Donny, who's 11, a book called The Big Book of Boy Stuff.

And boy has he learned stuff from this book.

We all have.




A lot of my tweets on Twitter these days are from this book.
thought provoking questions like:

Why is a boxing ring square?

If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?

Do fish get thirsty?

If a number 2 pencil is so popular, why is it still number 2?

If corn oil comes from corn...where does baby oil come from?


And then there are the pranks.


My mouse was pranked.

The book taught him to tape a small piece of paper to the bottom of my mouse to interfere with the signal, causing me to think my mouse was broken.

The gallon of milk in the refrigerator was pranked.

The book taught him to put food dye in things.
The first gallon of milk was pink
the second is now a bluish-purple,
hence a lot of my meals have been the same hue...

my cream of wheat was blue mush.
the meat and noodles I made tonight was blue.

Thanks, Bug.

I'm going to give your kids
drums, whistles, water guns, a cow bell, play dough, slime,
fart putty, whoopee cushions, moon sand, glitter
and a big book of pranks.
All at once.

You just wait.

A 10-year-old girl interviews my boys.

Kat, from Sunshine and Lemonade, graciously allowed her daughter Katie, aka Sugar from I like Pi, to come up with interview questions for my boys
because she owed me since I came up with interview questions for her kids
we're good friends.

Katie so helpfully pointed out that I just interviewed the boys last week.
Why, yes, Katie, you're right, I did!
But, yesterday's post was sad, and I needed something funny today.
Help me out, girlfriend!
Give me some good questions for the boys.
Make me laugh.

This is Katie. She's 10. Isn't she just adorable?
She lives in Georgia.
I keep asking Kat if I can borrow her...or betroth her to my older son...
she says Katie gets to have a say in it.
What?!
What's the point of having kids if they aren't our going to be our slaves obedient progeny?

Here are my boys. Donny's 11 & Remy's 6.
They live in Texas.

1. What qualities do you look for in pie?
Remy: I don't like pie.
Donny: The quality I look for in a good pie is taste...and I make sure it's blue.

I could tell, with this first question and their answers, that I was in trouble with this interview. It's just a feeling...but the boys were already being difficult.


2. If you found out that you were really a girl...what is the first thing that you would do?
Remy: Scream!
Donny: Scream!




3. What is your favorite character from a book?
Remy: Patrick from the Spongebob books.
Donny: Grover the Satyr from Lightning Thief (the Percy Jackson series).


4. Would you want to live forever? And who would you live for? (Kat explained that Katie is a big Twilight fan. My boys were totally confused by the second half of this question and it took some explaining.)
Remy: Yes...Mama.
Donny: Yes...to see the future.


5. Do you ever start to laugh uncontrollably at random times?
Remy: No.
Donny: On occasion.

OK, I'm going to call LIAR on Remy. They both do this. And so do I...


6. What would you do if your house was invaded by sqirrels?
Remy: Cut them up with Donny's new sword.
Donny: Hide in the closet and read a squirrel-taming book.
Remy: What's "tame" mean?
Mama: to make them nice and kind.
Remy: (bursts into laughter at the idea.)


7. What movie star do you think is pretty?
Remy: Miley Cyrus
Donny: Ashley Tisdale

It took about 20 minutes to get an answer out of them. My boys do not want to talk to me about girls they think are pretty or girls they like...or girls period. This was torture. I had to promise ice cream and soft drinks...Kat, my children's dentist bill is all your daughter's fault!!


8. What kind of punishments happen at your house? Are whips ever involved?
Remy: Yes, whips...and kicking and slapping.
Donny: Yes, whips...whips on fire.

She just had to mention whips, didn't she?! They ran with it. I never use whips. I never even spank...anymore. Crazy boys. I might occasionally tape them up and lock them in closets, but no whips or fire or kicking. What kind of parent do you think I am?!


9. If you could only eat one food for a whole month, what would it be?
Remy: What about drinks?
Mama: I'm sure drinks are unlimited.
Remy: Ok. Pizza.
Donny: Zucchini on fire.


10. Go up to your room. Look under your bed. How many things are there? Tell me one of them.
Remy: nothing (it's true, he has a trundle bed and nothing can fit under it)
Donny: like 20 things. One is an Easter basket.

Thanks, Katie!
I needed something light today, and this was perfect!
I can't wait to read yours and your sister's answers to MY questions on your mom's blog today.

They're Baaaaack.

Final reminder: The Vampire giveaway ends tonight at midnight.
One comment a day, every day, for more entries.
Post about the giveaway on your blog for three extra entries.

I don't like decimals and fractions. Give me a whole number any time of the day, and I can add, multiply, and divide that bad boy any which way. But, fractions? And decimals? They irritate me.

Don't get me wrong, I can do it. I've had calculus. I've kicked butt in the math department. No, literally, I got into a drop down fight with a nerdy TA in my college pre-calculus class...just kidding. That's a lie. I do that sometimes, lie. It's my fiction writer popping out to make boring writing more interesting.

Anyway, back to decimals and fractions. It was around 6am. I was irritated with Donny, my 11 yr old, for leaving some homework til morning. Now we were slightly rushed, and I was having to intervene because he and his dad, Texas Homeboy, were raising voices and clearly not playing well. So, the peace maker has to step in and help out. Plus, I'm the math genius (not).

I looked over the math sheet. I was surprised I had to get involved at all, because Donny IS a little math genius. He loves math. He kicks butt at math. Figuratively, as far as I know.

Ok, so, they're cross-multiplying fractions and decimals. One variable is missing from the equation, so that's X. They're just trying to find X. I can handle that. Then the next group of numbers switches where the X is situated. That's thrown Donny off. I try to explain, and he looks at me like I'm speaking Latin. Wait...I think I was. Ok, sorry.

He still looks at me like I'm speaking a foreign language. What the heck? This should be easy as pie for him. I explain things much clearer than his father. I don't raise my voice.

Donny bursts into tears.

My mouth drops open. When I can think again, I ask, "Why are you crying? What's wrong?"

He tells me, "I don't know."

I say, "Donny, sometimes we all just need to cry, to get our feelings out. It's ok."

And then, suddenly I get it.

I look around the room suspiciously. At first there's nothing. No hint of their arrival. Then I spy one hiding under the couch...the other is hanging from my ceiling fan. And the third one? He enters the room juggling smelly cleats like a goth-circus clow.

The hormone brothers are back.

"We warned you to be ready," the dramatic one said theatrically, throwing his arms out.
"You knew we were coming back," whispered the nerdy one, pulling up his pants.
"Yo, biotch, we're in the house," yelled the scary one, gesturing and narrowing his eyes at me.

"But, but...it's 6am!" I manage to speak.

"Time waits for no one," the dramatic one sighed tragically.

"I don't understand, he knows math, he's smart, this is EASY, and things have been fine," I said.

I think the nerdy one took pity on me. "Yes, but you see, it was time. These things happen on a logarithmic equation."

"You got a problem with that?" snarled the menacing one. He scares me. He took a few steps toward me...and then suddenly, they all vanished.

And I was left staring at my boy. My sweet boy, who went to school, and later in the day, when he was home again, he apologized for the morning drama. He admitted he understood what I was telling him about the homework, but that he just couldn't help it, he was feeling difficult.

We hugged and all was good again in the Texas Word Tangle household.

But I'm on the lookout now. I know those guys will rear their heads again when I least expect it.

Interviewing the Little People

The Vampire giveaway ends Friday at midnight.
One comment a day, every day, for more entries.
Post about the giveaway on your blog for three extra entries.



I've interviewed them before.
You can read one here or here.

Donny is 11 years old and in sixth grade (middle school).
His answers will be in blue.

Remy is 6 years old and in first grade.
His answers will be in red.

My questions and comments will be in this color.

When interviewing little people, you have to start off with questions they enjoy,
to warm them up and make them comfortable.
Then it's safe to work in meatier questions,
but you must always, always end with an alien question.

Here we go:

What's your favorite thing to do with your friends during free time at school?
Remy: Play checkers or tag
Donny: Play around.
Me: What do you mean by playing around?
Donny: We just play around.
Me: Ok.


What's your favorite thing to do on the computer?
Remy: Webkinz
Donny: video games.
Me: Which ones?
Donny: Fun ones.
Me: (Why is he being difficult?)


Why do you think I give you quarters at the grocery store?
Remy: Because you're so nice. (flatterer)
Donny: To get us to behave. (smart boy)


What did you think of my pink highlights?
Remy: Pretty cool.
Donny: Pretty tight.
Me: What does that mean?
Donny: It means cool.


What do you want for Christmas?
Remy: Rockband 2, Legos and a million dollars.
Donny: An underground lab with robots who do anything I say.
Me: Well, I want an iPhone and a laptop computer.


If I try to meet up with some bloggers, such as Kat and Mama Dawg, would you want to go along?
Remy: Probably.
Donny: Yeah, I'd go along to save you from them kidnapping you. Cause that's how I roll.
Me: They might bring their daughters...
Remy: Nope, not going.
Me: Why, Remy, girls can be fun. You know, I'm a girl.
Remy: No, girls aren't fun, only Mommy.
Me: You always have fun with your girl cousins.
Remy: Maybe.


In Star Wars, kids start training to be Jedi's at a very young age. What would you like to start training to be, if you could start now?
Remy: A poop detector. I could get people who poop on the ground.
Me: Good lord. Remy, seriously.
Donny: Hey, you don't want to get me! I pooped that one time...
Me: Um, this is going on the blog.
Remy: That was diarrhea.
Me: Diarrhea is poop, Remy.
Remy: ok, a rock star who plays the drums.
Donny: I'd want to be a football-playing king in outer space.
Me: How on Earth are you going to train for that?
Donny: Well, I'm already playing football. I'll keep studying government at school to learn to be a king, and we know Jim (their grandfather) and he can teach me to be an astronaut.


Do you want a little brother or sister? (This isn't an IRL option, I was just curious about their response!)
Remy: No, because they'd be annoying.
Donny: Yes, a little sister.
Me: Why a sister and not a brother?
Donny: Because Remy's getting boring and I think it'd be fun to have someone different to play with.
At this point, Remy yells at his brother to shut up and starts crying...Donny has to explain he was kidding. UGH


If you discovered Annie was an alien, how would you find out and what would you do?
Remy: Her nose would turn green, so I would know she's an alien, and I'd keep her.
Donny: I'd know she's an alien because she'd poop out a cow. I'd keep her secret from the government.

I gave birth to them but I have no idea how their thinking works!
That's all folks, from the minds of little people.

Ask your kids some of these questions and let me know what they say!!

More Side Effects

The Vampire giveaway was going to end today at midnight,
but I've decided to extend it to Friday,
so you can get more entries.
One comment a day, every day, for more entries.
Post about the giveaway on your blog for three extra entries.


A while back I wrote a post about the side effects of football.
I still have a hard time looking at those photos.

Well, I'm here today to show you yet more side effects.

I should have know, after reading Shannon's post about her daughter and Valarie's post about her son, that these things happen in 3's.

It took me a week to clue in to our medical issue.
Girls, I think we all three win Mother of the Year Awards.

It was our turn.

Here we are in the orthopedic waiting room, where they have a chess board.
The waiting room was packed with kids and adults,
but no one was playing, so Donny and I did.

I checkmated him fairly quickly,
and then our second game was cut short.

And we headed back to an exam room to have the doctor look at our x-rays.

The Doctor identified the small fracture on his pinky immediately, and told us Donny needed a cast.

DARNIT.

That's the splint the emergency center had given us.

And now on to the cast making...

He chose bright green.

And he has to wear it for six weeks.

But, the kicker is, get this...he can still play football!!

Is that nutty or what?!!

Donny only has one or two games left.