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Wednesday, January 7, 2009

My Life is a Bad Country Song

I will announce the giveaway winner later today.

Did you see my interview with Pioneer Woman?

In high school, I used to listen to country music every now and then.
Not any country music, but really cool, rockin' country music.
Like David Allen Coe.

Listen to the first line or two of this song.
It will set the mood for the rest of this post, I promise.
(he talks for the first minute though, ignore all that)




I love how hilarious country songs can be.

Most of them are about being faithful to their bottle or an ode to alcohol, how they can rely on their horse but not on fickle women who've done them wrong.

Well, the other morning, as I was up at 4am, I was suddenly inspired to write a country song about my night. I've never written a song before, much less a country one.

Don't laugh too hard. You can't chant it or sing it softly...you have to croon it at the top of your lungs, preferably holding an empty liquor bottle. Ok, ready?

It's dedicated the chore I had to do at 4am after my child exploded every possibly bodily fluid on the walls and floor of my bathroom.


Here we go:




Take this sh*t & Shove it

When there's diarrhea on the walls,
don't bother me no more with calls

you won't believe how many Clorox wipes it took
I've had to throw away all the bathroom books,

In the middle of the night with my breasts hangin to my lap
I can't handle NO MORE CRAP.

I'm hangin' up my mop and gloves
because cleaning don't return the love

the fumes have gone to my head
I just want to go back to bed.

How much puke can one boy spew?
if you were my enemy I wouldn't wish this on you.

The smells have singed my nostril hairs,
this kind of chore just isn't fair.

I'm in bed holding on tight
to my pillow tonight
praying the sick will pass on by
or I just might have to give in and cry.


Yep, it's official.
I've lost my mind.

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