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Saturday, November 10, 2007

YET ANOTHER EASTERN DEATH CULT

The newswires were abuzz yesterday with the story of Linda Stein, “Realtor to the Stars,” who was bludgeoned to death by her 26-year-old assistant after being “verbally abusive” following a session with her Transcendental Hygienist.

According to news reports, Natavia Lowery, the alleged murderer, “told police that Stein would hold a ‘yoga stick’ in a threatening way while she spoke to Lowery, using ‘profanity’ in a ‘derogatory’ way.” As if that were not bad enough, Stein would blow marijuana smoke in Lowery’s face. Horrors! I can just picture it:

“Fuck!” (puff)
“Fuck!” (puff)
“Fuck!” (puff)
“Fuck!” (puff)
“Fuck!” (puff)

Lowery snapped, grabbing the “yoga stick” from Stein and striking her with it six or seven times. Later, when police questioned her about the incident, she tried to recall exactly how many times she had struck Stein. “Hmmm. One, two on the neck, three, four right behind the left ear, five, six, seven in the back of the head...aw, just put me down for a five.” [H/T: Gary]

The purported “yoga stick” was described by New York City Police Commissioner Raymond Kelly as “two sticks that are connected by a cord of some sort,” weighing about four pounds. Nunchucks? Or perhaps a Hillerich & Gupta “New Delhi Slugger” cricket bat?

I’m fascinated by this “Yoga Stick” business. My knowledge of yoga, albeit limited, does not include the idea of “yoga sticks.” And a cursory search on the Inter-Webby-Net reveals that the only mention of the elusive “Yoga Stick” is solely in connection with this story. There are yoga towels, yoga mats, yoga books, and yoga instructors. Presumably, there’s yoga liniment, for when your muscles get all tight ’n’ shit from excessive yoga-ing. But nowhere is mentioned a Yoga Stick. Maybe it’s like Kaballah Water or the Red Kabbalah String - something the glitzy Hollywood Johnny-come-latelies have adopted, but which bears no relationship to the Real Thing.

And that’s probably good, because what we don’t need right now is another Eastern death-cult. You have the Islamofascists, you had the Assassins (the name derives from their practice of eating hashish to bolster their courage), and now, potentially, the Yoga-Stick Killers. I’m hoping this is just a one-off incident, not the precursor to a new wave of terroristic yogis beating people to death with sticks.

Yeah. Stein probably had it coming.

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