Commodication

Earlier this month, Texas Homeboy and I celebrated our 12th anniversary. I haven't been into the sentimental cards much lately...so I got him this one. It's a Hallmark card.

That's a coffee stain on the bottom right-hand corner because Texas Homeboy kept it next to his coffee machine for the next week or two. I'd like to think because he loved it so much, but he probably just didn't know what to do with it. I know just what to do with it! Blog.

Here's what the inside said (I've painted out my inked ramblings of love):

Now, this might be a touchy subject for some, but do you let your spouse see you on the toilet?

Texas Homeboy and I have never been shy about this sort of thing. We don't intrude on each other's privacy, but we'll carry on conversations or be in the bathroom together...

I thought everyone was like this until a friend told me she never allowed her husband in the bathroom while she...um...took care of things. Built a log cabin. Took the kids to the lake. You know. Went #2. What do you call it?

I was shocked. I have no such privacy in my home. Even the dog walks in and expects a pat on her head if I'm in there doing my business. The kids come talk, I shoo them out. You know.

So, my question for you is, do you let your loved one see you in the bathroom? Should that kind of thing be kept more private in order to keep the magic alive? Or does this bring us closer?

Pimped Out Toilets, Butt Facials and Boeing Bidets...Oh, My!

Under "Cool Inventions" in my son's National Geographic Kids Magazine is this Souped Up John (or put plainly, a pimped out toilet). It has a TV, a TiVo, a DVD player, Xbox 360, laptop, fridge, and a toilet paper holder that is also an iPod docking station. Also, in front are some pedals for working out and a megaphone to call for anything you need. Wow. Can anyone say overkill?

Did you hear about the constipated composer?

He couldn't finish the last movement.

To continue our rear end theme, here is a new fad across the good ole US of A: Butt facials. Have you had your hiney cleansed and exfoliated recently? I think that's enough said, don't you?

Incontinence Hotline...Can you hold, please?

I was trying to Google these fancy toilets in Japan that someone mentioned, but came across this instead: bidets for the new Boeings 787. Yikes. I'm not sure what I think about that. I'm all for cleanlyness but...

Well, did you hear about the constipated accountant?

He couldn't budget.

Did you know there is a toilet newsletter out there? They advertise as "World Bathroom and Toilet News and Etiquette." While reading this (yes, I can't sleep tonight), I learned about a resturant in Taiwan that has toilet chairs, urinal sconces, and even commode shaped serving pieces. Very unusual to say the least. I also read about something called the Dunny Derby, an Australian contest where 20 teams race around a track trying to be the fastest, and also to have the best looking dunny. Apparently dunny is the term for an outdoor toilet downunder. I like that term. I may start calling my toilet the dunny...

If you're an American when you go into the bathroom, and an American when you come out, what are you when you're in the bathroom?

Eur-o-pean.

Ok, enough for now. I promise my next post will contain much less potty humor.