THE OFFICIAL BLOG D’ELISSON DICTIONARY,Volume 23.

Still more stuff that should be in the dictionary but isn’t.

Previous installments of the Blog d’Elisson Dictionary may be found in the Archives.

ffriend [f’-frend] (n) - A friend, acquaintance, friend of a friend, or total stranger that you designate as a “friend” on social networking websites such as Facebook, MySpace, et al. An abbreviation of “Facebook friend.”

“Charlie? Never met the guy in my life, but we’ve been ffriends for two years.”

THE OFFICIAL BLOG D’ELISSON DICTIONARY,Volume 22.

Still more stuff that should be in the dictionary but isn’t.

Previous installments of the Blog d’Elisson Dictionary may be found in the Archives.

F’oh! Pas [fo-pah] (n) - A mistake, specifically one of the sort that makes you smack yourself in the forehead and exclaim “D’oh!” in the manner of Homer Simpson.

A poetic illustration, courtesy of Mark Hollis:

     Bill
     Was ill.

In his delirium
He talked about Miriam.

This was an error
As his wife was a terror

     Known
     As Joan.

That, Esteemed Readers, is a F’oh! Pas.

[A tip o’ th’ Elisson fedora goes to Erica Sherman for this one.]

THE OFFICIAL BLOG D’ELISSON DICTIONARY,Volume 21.

Yet more stuff that should be in the dictionary but isn’t.

Previous installments of the Blog d’Elisson Dictionary may be found in the Archives.

Tae D Bo [tai-di-bo] (n) - A proprietary martial arts-based discipline that improves cardiac fitness while simultaneously rendering toilets sparkling clean.

“Did you hear about Ed? Been taking Tae D Bo classes over at the gym for the past two years - just got his Black Brush.”

THE OFFICIAL BLOG D’ELISSON DICTIONARY,Volume 20.

Yet more stuff that should be in the dictionary but isn’t.

Previous installments of the Blog d’Elisson Dictionary may be found in the Archives.

NyQuil Narcosis [ni-kwil- nar-ko-sis] (n) - The remarkable stupefaction that occurs when one takes a nighttime, sniffling, sneezing, coughing, aching, fever, best fucking sleep you ever got with a cold medicine, especially during daylight hours.

“Good Gawd! I’ve been wandering around like a zombie for the past two days - must be a case of NyQuil Narcosis.”

THE OFFICIAL BLOG D’ELISSON DICTIONARY,Volume 19.

Yet more stuff that should be in the dictionary but isn’t.

Previous installments of the Blog d’Elisson Dictionary may be found in the Archives.

Ambidickstrous [am-bi-dick-strus] (adj) - Descriptive of males who are both homo- and heterosexual. Bisexual.

“I know Charlie is a real ladies’ man, but I had no idea he was ambidickstrous until he offered to wax my bishop in the locker room. Son of a bitch!”

THE OFFICIAL BLOG D’ELISSON DICTIONARY,Volume 18.

Yet more stuff that should be in the dictionary but isn’t.

Previous installments of the Blog d’Elisson Dictionary may be found in the Archives.

Magazeke [mag-a-zeek] (n) - Periodical of primary interest to the redneck market.

“I was wondering why I hadn’t seen the latest copy of ‘Guns and Ammo’ - that’s when I realized that my magazeke subscription had run out.”

THE OFFICIAL BLOG D’ELISSON DICTIONARY,Volume 17.

Yet more stuff that should be in the dictionary but isn’t.

Previous installments of the Blog d’Elisson Dictionary may be found in the Archives: Volume 1, Volume 2, Volume 3, Volume 4, Volume 5, Volume 6, Volume 7, Volume 8, Volume 9, Volume 10, Volume 11, Volume 12, Volume 13, Volume 14, Volume 15, and Volume 16.

Enthusigasm [en-thoo-zi-ga-z’m] (n) - The physical and emotional release occasioned by involvement in a pursuit, occupation, or activity in which one’s mind is thoroughly absorbed.

“When Johnny’s team won the state Little League championship, his mother had an enthusigasm right there in the bleachers.”

THE OFFICIAL BLOG D’ELISSON DICTIONARY,Volume 16.

Yet more stuff that should be in the dictionary but isn’t.

Previous installments of the Blog d’Elisson Dictionary may be found in the Archives: Volume 1, Volume 2, Volume 3, Volume 4, Volume 5, Volume 6, Volume 7, Volume 8, Volume 9, Volume 10, Volume 11, Volume 12, Volume 13, Volume 14, and Volume 15.

Fondue-due [fahn-doo-doo] (n) - (1) Digestive upset brought on by the consumption of Molten Cheese; (2) The runny excrement resulting from said Digestive Upset.

“We went out to The Melting Pot last Saturday night, and I spent the rest of the weekend on the Porcelain Throne with a major case of the old Fondue-due.”

THE OFFICIAL BLOG D’ELISSON DICTIONARY,Volume 15.

Yet more stuff that should be in the dictionary but isn’t.

Previous installments of the Blog d’Elisson Dictionary may be found in the Archives: Volume 1, Volume 2, Volume 3, Volume 4, Volume 5, Volume 6, Volume 7, Volume 8, Volume 9, Volume 10, Volume 11, Volume 12, Volume 13, and Volume 14.

Spootzle [shpoot-sl] (n) - Small, dumpling-like turds; the result of “dropping the kids off at the pool” with an Impacted Intestine.

“Last time I ate at that German place, I got all blocked up. Spaetzle in, spootzle out.”

[Tip o’ th’ Elisson fedora to SWMBO for coming up with this most useful term.]

THE OFFICIAL BLOG D’ELISSON DICTIONARY,Volume 14.

Yet more stuff that should be in the dictionary but isn’t.

Previous installments of the Blog d’Elisson Dictionary may be found in the Archives: Volume 1, Volume 2, Volume 3, Volume 4, Volume 5, Volume 6, Volume 7, Volume 8, Volume 9, Volume 10, Volume 11, Volume 12, and Volume 13.

Decrapitation [de-cra-pi-tei-shun] (n) - The act of Beheading the Turtle: cutting off the tip of an emerging turd by applying pressure with the anal sphincter.

“I was crimping one off and had to get to my next class in a hurry, so I decrapitated it.”

Decrapitation is hilariously illustrated in this superlative piece of crapblogging by the inimitable Kevin Kim.

[Tip o’ th’ Elisson colander fedora to SWMBO, herownself, for this brilliant coinage.]

Crappuccino [cra-poo-chee-no] (n) - 1. The vile beverage served by the minions of the Evil Mermaid; 2. The unfortunate result of an attack of loose bowels whilst wearing casual pants, [see also Cocky-Khaki].

“Holy mackerel, you shoulda seen Charlie the other day. He had an attack of the squirts right after making the turn at Gleneagles the other day - it was a real Crappuccino Moment.”

[This one - Definition 2, anyway - is SWMBO’s, too.]

THE OFFICIAL BLOG D’ELISSON DICTIONARY,Volume 13.

Yet more stuff that should be in the dictionary but isn’t.

Previous installments of the Blog d’Elisson Dictionary may be found in the Archives: Volume 1, Volume 2, Volume 3, Volume 4, Volume 5, Volume 6, Volume 7, Volume 8, Volume 9, Volume 10, Volume 11, and Volume 12.

Library of Cacangress [lai-bre-ri uv ka-kan-gres] (n) - A restroom, specifically one in which the user reads before, after, or during the acts of micturition and/or defecation.

“Where the hell does Charlie think he is, the Library of Cacangress? He just disappeared into the third floor men’s room with the whole Sunday New York Times. Is he gonna read it or wipe himself with it?”